When You’re Spiritually Drowning

If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook, then you probably saw my announcement about our move. We left the Dallas/Fort Worth Texas area after four years, to be closer to family in Oklahoma. Now don’t get me wrong, being close to family over the last week has been wonderful, but when we first started talking about moving, it wasn’t an instant “yes” for me.

Now, I want to lead off with this: I love my family, and being close to them this last week has been wonderful. But when the discussion of moving came up, I was comfortable. I had a good routine in place. It was the place we had our kids and had spent almost all of our marriage. And all I could think about when looking at those facts was “Why give up a certain good thing, for a maybe good thing?”

During good times, it’s always easy to think you have a strong faith. But I’m sure anyone will tell you, that sentiment is like thinking you’re a good swimmer when all you’ve done is wade in three feet of water. It takes deep water to test your skill in swimming. Just as it takes rough seas to test the integrity of a boat.

During the time of uncertainty, I always think of the times the disciples were caught in storms. There they were in torrential downpours fearing for their lives and all the while, the Master of creation was right there with them. Jesus even called them out on it, accusing them of having little faith.

I read one of these accounts as I was faced with a big life change and was instantly convicted. In my head I knew that God’s plans are always best and for my good. But in my heart, I couldn’t help but wonder if this time would be different. What if we were headed for a trial of great pain and difficulty? What if things wouldn’t be the way we imagined? What if, this time, God’s faithfulness wouldn’t reach into my circumstances?

As I look back on the past few months, and review my thoughts through them, I see that God was already using this move to help me grow in Him. He was giving me swimming lessons. It’s easy for me to say I trust God when I’m wading in three feet of water. But when He threw me into unknown waters, I feared I would drown. I didn’t trust that God would pull me out. Then I’d feel guilty for my doubt and anxiety.

But God is good. And he did’t let me drown. Instead, he taught me how to accept His grace, even though I was doubting His strength. By doing so, I had the freedom to cry out to God and give him my anxiety and my fears. I was able to lean into Him and grow in my faith in Him.

So dear friend, I don’t know where you are in life. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I do know this: God is faithful and gracious. Especially when you forget the faithful part. Don’t feel guilty for confessing your fears and doubts to God. He is a Good Father and understands your heart. Don’t be afraid to come to Him with and attitude of “God, I don’t know or understand your plans, but please reassure me with your faithfulness.” And because of that faithfulness and as well as His grace, He will comfort you and feel closer to you than ever before. Remember that Christ’s own disciples doubted His resurrection. But at the end of the day believed and boldly proclaimed “my Lord and my God!”. May we be able to do the same.

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